i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize