I just made out with a guy for $7.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
