She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
