As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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