We're like a lot better than the average bears
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wear drunk well.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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