The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
