ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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