So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
