ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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