I didn't shave. On purpose
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
