Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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