i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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