wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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