Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize