my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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