Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
