we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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