You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
