hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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