Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
