my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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