my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
