Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
