So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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