I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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