Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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