That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize