Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
