Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
