I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
