I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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