I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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