I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
