i wish my penis had a tongue
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize