i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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