After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
