Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
