So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
