Too much gin, very little bucket
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
