I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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