I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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