I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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