she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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