Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize