He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
