I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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