just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
