that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize