everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize