my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize