I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
