I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
