I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
