I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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