so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
