if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
