you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
