Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize