I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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