Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize