The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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