so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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