; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
