I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
