I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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