Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
