I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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