I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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