Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We're not piercing ourselves today.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The air taste purple.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize