I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
