I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
