I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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