I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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